A Place Called "Me"

The Link

2010-07-11T23:58:00.000+08:00

First off, congratulations to those who managed to find my new blog! =D

For those who didn't, please click:

Announcement

2010-07-04T00:59:00.002+08:00

Hello to all you lovely people out there! How have you been? =D

I've got an announcement to make.

This blog will no longer be housing any new updates. In other words, I'm moving to another space.

Oh but it doesn't mean that this blog will get deleted though, because I love this space just as much, if not more, than the new one. So feel free to always come back for a visit! I just might throw in a random update once in awhile, just for the heck of it (maybe) =p

I've come a long way with this blog (387 posts! That's rather the achievement don't you think? XD). To the people who have been with me through these 4 years, I thank you all very much!

Until next time then ;)

...

...

...

Hmm?

Link? What link?

The one to my new blog?

It's in here... somewhere =p

Just Be Friends

2010-05-25T21:30:00.003+08:00

Kai Xiang sent me a link to a video yesterday, sharing with me what he thinks I'll like.

And indeed, I love it =)

It's not a happy video, but I thought that it's very beautifully done.

As two reviewers on YouTube put it:

"I love this song, and if we think about it, this is the reality of break-ups, people start remembering the good times they had, they regret it, even the one who broke up with the other feels pain. This song is so exquisitely beautiful but is also real life"
-chaneloisa-

"I think my favorite part is how they're sitting on one big couch, but on the TV it shows two separate chairs, it's just such perfect symbolism. The video overall though, invokes several feelings. It sad of course, but in a way it's also beautiful because of how she can reminisce and think about all of the happy times they were able to share with each other, even if they have to move on. "I'd be born again and again, and go see you on those days.""
-kifflepants-

A Jump, And Then...

2010-05-25T15:59:00.002+08:00

It landed with a splat on the floor.

God I hate lizards.

Motherhood

2010-05-22T22:12:00.003+08:00

"Are you preparing for motherhood?" my younger sister asked me the other day, puzzled at my sudden interest in making desserts.

While it amused me to no end, that question also left me gaping like a fish out of water.

Because at age 23, fresh out of Uni, thinking of marriage and having babies is such a strange concept.

Well, at least to me it is (笑)

Two Sides Of The Same Coin

2010-05-12T20:33:00.005+08:00

Someone once wrote to me,

"I always believe that the capacity you have to love someone is also the same capacity you have to hate someone. Right now maybe I just hate you a bit more than I love you."

Those words, they came with a bouquet of flowers delivered to my doorstep for my birthday.

I couldn't remember exactly how I had felt then, reading those words.

All I know is that I wasn't thrilled. After all, who loves to be hated by someone they cared for?

It is curious that those words shall come back to me today.

The me today, some parts of it, prefer being hated over being loved.

Waiting

2010-04-22T13:04:00.003+08:00

A short update from McD.

What comes after this is 6 hours of train ride.

Should I go buy nuggets for the ride?

Yeah I should (笑)

Gotta run. Until next time then!

The Right Time

2010-04-18T03:31:00.003+08:00

"Honestly, I always get phone calls at the wrong time!"

Walking to our parked car, I complained to my younger sister who I happened to chauffeur for the evening.

She deadpanned, "Is there even a right time to call you?"

I thought about it for a second, and then answered "No, you're right. There isn't *laughs*"

Family really do know you best (笑)

近況

2010-04-15T15:08:00.001+08:00

Greetings people!

Long time no see.

Did you miss me? =p

So I finally got around to updating this space.
It's been in the back of my mind since forever, but it just keeps getting put off.
Blogging is something that I like to do at my own leisurely pace when the mood strikes, but somehow I got out of habit of doing it.
Still, I thought that it's high time I throw in an update, if only to let people know that I'm still alive and that this blog is not closing down.
Actually it's also because certain people have been nagging at me to update (笑)

Presently I'm still at home, enjoying my post-studying and pre-working life.
It's a little hard to believe, but I've been neither here nor there for about 5 months now.
Since early February I have already made up my mind to accept the offer from the "June company", so the consequence of that is having my holiday extended.

To be honest it wasn't until just recently that I've started to grow truly comfortable with having so much free time at my disposal.
In the beginning it was a little bit disconcerting; I was feeling as though I'm the only one remaining stationary while everyone else has someplace to go.
But looking at it from a different point of view, I'm going to be working myself to exhaustion later anyway, so might as well fully enjoy the free time that I have now right?

With this thought in mind, I've been keeping myself busy with things I enjoy doing, and even some things I don't really enjoy doing (笑)
From reading to gaming to playing musical instruments (I've purchased a new set of violin strings and have gotten my guitar back yay!) to simply plugging in to my iPod, everyday is a fulfilling day.
Also, I've more or less resumed my position as the family cook on weekdays, so responsibilities are abound too.

Domesticated
is perhaps the best word to use to describe my current state (笑)
But so accustomed am I to this laid-back lifestyle now that I somehow have mixed feelings about starting work...

So, about my job...
Most friends know this already, but to those who don't, I'm going to be working as an auditor.
It's a profession that I've never expected myself to be interested in previously, mostly because it's notorious for its high turnover rate.

It's not a 9 to 5 job because you're expected to work overtime and on weekends too, during peak periods that normally last for 3-4 months at any one time.
It's a job that involves lots of travelling to and from clients' place, where you get assigned tasks that often come with unreasonable deadlines.
And most of all it's a job where you work like a donkey and get paid peanuts.

...That's what most people say anyway.

But
being an auditor opens doors because the learning curve is great.
As a fresh graduate, my priority lies in getting experience, so even if it means having little to no sleep when working on an assignment, I'll be satisfied knowing that at the end of the day I got to learn and see so much more.
After all, no pain no gain... right?

I want to do my best when that time comes.

But for now, I'm just going to sleep as much as I can (笑)
And try to update my blog more often.
( ↑ Somehow this sentence looks like it's there just to appease readers, but I'm seriously going to try, honest! =p)

The pictures in this post are from convocation night a month earlier.

These, including others, have been up in Facebook for awhile now.
I just got too lazy to put them all up here o(=.=o)(o=.=)o

But can you feel this magic in the air?
It must have been the way you kissed me
Today Was A Fairytale - Taylor Swift

Mmm I just love this song! ♪

But "Tadpoles" Are So Much Easier To Read...

2010-04-01T23:11:00.005+08:00

It's done!

My assignment is complete!

Sadness

2010-03-23T19:51:00.004+08:00

My E string snapped o(TT.TT)o

Ah well...

Time to get a new one.

An Otherwise Tragic Tale

2010-03-20T04:46:00.007+08:00

It happened after dinnertime.

Having done with washing the dishes and throwing out the trash, I was pouring myself a cup of steaming hot tea and bringing said cup carefully to my "work" (note: play) desk for my personal enjoyment.

Brewed using the last of the green tea leaves たかしさん (Takashi-san) so kindly brought me when he came over to Malaysia for a visit last year, the tea held even more significance than usual; it was special.

Across the desk was my younger brother, taking out from a bag what had to be the souvenir he bought for his best friend from our recent trip to Perth.

Nothing was unusual, so I paid him no mind and took my first sip of my precious tea.

The tea tasted heavenly; everything felt right, until something black flew out of the bag and landed right on the back of my hand.

That black 'thing' turned out to be a lizard. A baby lizard, but a lizard nonetheless. And a very alive one at that.

Before I knew what I was doing, I was frantically shaking it off my hand, all the while screaming at the top of my lungs, with my mouth full of green tea.

It was a relief I had enough sense to keep my mouth shut while screaming (笑)

If I hadn't, my laptop, having front-row view of the whole thing, would now be nothing but a broken machine courtesy of my favourite tea.

My tea (my love) destroying my laptop (my other love)?

How tragic that would have been!

会いたいけど。。。

2010-03-01T03:15:00.000+08:00

I... can't sleep.

Everywhere I turn, every position I try to sleep in, I keep hearing my heart pounding inside my chest.

I'm honestly afraid. Of you.

I've been thinking too much again.

Not So Brilliant After All

2010-02-19T09:38:00.004+08:00

"Hello?"

"Cassie Chan please."

It was 8-ish in the morning, and I was awakened from my beauty sleep by an early morning phone call. It was a mobile phone number, so it couldn't be from the office.

In my muddled state of mind, I thought I heard wrong.

"I'm sorry?"

"Cassie Chan please."

Oh we're the Chans alright. But if my mind is still functioning right there's no Cassie in the household.

So, brilliantly, I replied, "You've got the wrong number."

"Oh... wrong number ar. Sorry."

(Dial tone)

And I went back to sleep.

...

Well, I tried to at least.

If I managed to get back to sleep I wouldn't be bringing you this morning update, so you've got the lady who made the phone call to thank (笑)

Like always, having been rudely awakened from a dream, I couldn't get back to sleep. But to not get a headache like I always do when my dreams were cut short by external factors made me plenty happy already.

Still, I made to roll around in bed hoping that whatever deity up there will be so kind as to grant me sleep once again.

That stupid motorcycle with its roaring engine outside did not help.

My mind played back to the previous conversation I had with the lady on the phone.

Cassie huh? Is there anyone I know going by that name? Cassie... Cassie... Wait, was it Cassie or KC? KC Chan? KC... oh crap, she's looking for Dad!

And so, brilliantly, I denied a phone call from my Dad's client.

I'm not so brilliant after all o(>.<)o

Two Is Better Than One

2010-02-14T23:45:00.003+08:00

A song post for Valentine's.
If you don't already know the song, please be sure to check it out o(^0^)/
It's all I listen to lately.

Well then, Happy Chinese New Year!
And Happy Valentine's Day!

A proper update will come... soon :D

The Poem

2010-02-02T02:05:00.004+08:00

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my entire life.
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
That describes everything you are not.
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
I only married you 'cause I was pissed.
I thought that I could love no other -- that is until I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But put that paper bag on your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -- Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts tequila, one part lime.

- Author unknown -

I thought that this is way too good to not be shared XD

Searching For Mr. Right

2010-02-01T23:57:00.002+08:00

My elder sister was reading the papers today when she nudged me and pointed to the title of this little article, smiling.

I glared.

Hard.

A few hours later, when it was Mom's turn to read the papers, she called out to me and read aloud the title of this one article which caught her attention.

It was the same article as before.

I facepalmed.

The title of the article was "Stop Searching for Mr. Right and Start Marrying Mr. Good Enough".

To be honest, I understand why they feel the need to point that out to me.

But to my defence, I'm not even searching.

And I have zero interest in marriage (笑)

始まり

2010-01-31T23:30:00.003+08:00

I wonder if anyone watches this space still.
Such a long delayed update this is (笑)
It has been close to a month since I last updated, so I thought I should, at the very least, throw in an update before the month ends.
But speaking of which, the month has gone by pretty fast eh?

What kind of month was January to you?
To me, the past month has been... one hell of a month.
Going into details would take waaaay too long, since there was almost always something going on each and everyday of the past 30 days, but if I were to highlight a thing or two, I would say that there has never been a time in my life when I made and received as many phone calls as I had this past month.

People who really know me well would know that on any day, I would gladly trade my phone for a lifetime supply of green tea; but ehhh that's not the point.
The point is, my phone, to me, is a luxury, not a necessity.
Granted I might not be able to live without a computer, I could definitely survive without a phone - in fact, I downright loathe phone calls.
Let's just say I'd much rather talk to a person face-to-face than over the phone =p
So, I was quite bemused to find myself madly dashing to the phone this past month whenever a call came (笑)

But that was understandable, wasn't it?
After all, those phone calls were very important, and were always kept short, sweet and to the point, just the way I like it.
And they were from someone important too.

Of course, potential employers and their phone calls are always important (笑)

Yes, for the past month, I have been sending out job applications, taking preliminary tests, and attending interviews.
It may sound simple to some, because after all, how much time would that actually take?
But people who have gone through, or is going through that phase would surely agree with me, that job hunting is a rather trying, and often frustrating thing to do.
For me, it was especially exhausting, both physically and mentally.

Coming from another state, I had to wake up super early in the morning, often with little to no sleep the day before, to travel to office and sit for tests before being qualified for interviews.
Not being able to complete the tests on time, with the exception of essay writing, and having no idea of how to market myself during interviews, I got very disheartened, and my spirits were at an all-time low.
"But it's only been three firms right? Right. I shouldn't be discouraged so easily," so I thought.

But in the end, I got offers from all three.
I must have done something good in my past life (笑)

Even so, deciding on which offer to accept wasn't easy, so the rest of the month was spent pondering over that.
And I'm ashamed to say that I still haven't made up my mind o(>.<)o

Over the past month, there were lots of people who offered me good advice and help in looking for a place to stay, so I'm really grateful.
Though I doubt any of them actually reads my blog, I'd still like to extend my feelings of gratitude here =)
And to Mom and Dad, thank you for always being with me every step of the way, and for putting up with my mood swings this past month!
Friends may not know this, but a super stressed me is a very difficult person to deal with; and therefore best be ignored (笑)

The above picture shows the donuts I bought on Friday.
Guess which one is mine?
The person with the correct guess will get...
absolutelynothingbutthesenseofsatisfactionofknowingthatyouknowmesowell
*smiles brightly*

2009 At A Glance

2010-01-01T23:50:00.002+08:00

It's quick, isn't it?
Another year has come to an end.

Growing up as a child, the end of a year, followed by the beginning of another, simply means the end of the school holidays and the start of a new school term; it held no significance.
"It's just an increase in number, isn't it? Why is everyone so eager to celebrate?", I used to think.

But entering adulthood, and with my thoughts getting more and more directed towards self-improvement and spiritual and emotional growth, I'm beginning to understand just why new years are such big deal to so many of us.

"There are 365 days in a year."
Having this knowledge imprinted into our minds since young, the 365th day, very naturally, becomes the day of reflection for most of us.
"How have I lived out the past 364 days?"
"Did those 364 days help me get any closer to my goals?"
"How have I changed in the course of the year? Is it for the better or worse?"
"Is there anything that I would have done differently, anything that I would love to change?"

And we begin making promises to ourselves to correct past mistakes and make up for lost time.
We declare what we would like to see achieved by the end of the next 365 days.
It might seem a futile exercise to some because most of the time we end up getting horribly sidetracked halfway through the new year, but I thought it to be important anyway.
After all, how can there be action, if there wasn't any intention fuelling it to begin with?

Year 2009 wasn't like any of the others I've previously had.

It was in this year that I finally made that trip to the Land of the Rising Sun, one that I didn't even think possible in the past, for I was always under the impression that I didn't have enough money.

While my family isn't poor, I was aware from a very young age that education is expensive; and my parents carry the burden of having to give that to four of their children.
Even though Mom and Dad would always tell me that it's okay, that they are able and willing to support us for as long as we wish to study, I would always feel bad about having to use so much of their hard-earned money.

Getting that scholarship to study abroad was God-sent.
All of a sudden I didn't have to rely on my parents anymore, and the money set aside for my education can be added to my siblings' funds.
However, that only succeeded in making me stubborn in a way.

Even though I have no qualms about spending my own money on whatever and whomever I adore, spending huge amount of my parents' money became a big no-no for me.
I wonder how that makes them feel, to have a daughter who refuses to accept money from her parents?
Or my siblings and friends for that matter, who have to constantly be around a person who dislikes doing what they have no choice but to do?

Either way it makes me feel bad, but what I've learnt in 2009 is that money is only an issue if I make it out to be.
Instead of focusing on the scarcity of money, isn't it better to spend that energy being grateful that I even have enough to live comfortably?

Being on the subject of money, year 2009 is also the year during which I spend the most money.
Whether it's the rent, the trip to Japan, the DSLR and lenses, the iPod, the tea, the jackets, the books, the eating out, the bubble tea, I bought and did it all with the tri-monthly allowance that made up my income, but still having more than enough to go by.

Year 2009, in this regard, was a year of financial prosperity.

Year 2009 was also a year in which I met, and made friends with many nice and interesting people, but at the same time, goodbyes were said to friends who have graduated, as well as to those who will be staying for another year or two.

It was a year of utmost significance, for it was a year of finality in many respects.

Year 2009 was my final year of studies as a university student.
But because of that, it also became a year filled with anxiety.
As a student, I spent the year worrying over whether I'll be able to graduate, and getting extremely tired of studying that I wasn't able to focus properly half the time.
As a graduate, I spent the remaining of the year worrying over my direction in life, and over whether I'll be able to secure a job and be a valuable member of the society.
Nevertheless, it was also towards the end of the year that I was finally able to stop worrying and start living.

Year 2009 was also my final year of getting to spend time together with many of my friends.
Even so, to be able to get to know them and share moments of joy and pain together, however short-lived, made me really happy somehow.

In the romance department, year 2009 was the year during which I grew emotionally attached to someone.
It was the year I discovered just how immature and cowardly I can be in handling such matter as affection, because instead of acknowledging it, I chose to flee, going so far as to avoid that person for a whole week.
But just as I thought, there was no way for it to be returned.
Still, I tried my best to be a good friend all the way until the end, so I'm satisfied with how things went.

Health-wise, year 2009 was... "phenomenal".
I fell sick a couple of times, almost to the point of having to sit for a deferred exam once.
From feeling nausea to having a full-day headache, muscle strain to stomach discomfort, a "broken nose" to a bump in the forehead from walking into a pole, year 2009 wasn't a very kind year to my body.

But despite being rough in some aspects, year 2009 was, I feel, an all-around good year, for it gave me the much needed push in the back to learn and to change for the better.

What sort of year will 2010 be for me I wonder?

With the promotion to being a full member of the society, there are sure to be many new challenges ahead, ones that I want to bravely face with all my might.
Hopefully, by the end of 2010, I'll be one step closer to realising my dreams.

To all the people who made year 2009 a happy experience for me, and to those who will continue to be there for 2010, thank you!

And Happy New Year!
新年明けましておめでとうございます！
I wish you a year full of kindness and love.

This Is A Christmas Post

2009-12-25T23:55:00.004+08:00

Exactly.

Minutes before Christmas is over.

I don't actually have much to blog about, because we don't really celebrate Christmas, though the family did dine out today.
But other than that, it was just a normal day home.

And these days all I do is read.
And sleep (笑)
Days have been awfully quiet and slow, but there has never been a time when I was so content with life as I am now.

I want my own copy of that book.

The picture is of the glutinous rice balls we had for Winter Solstice.
This year's came in different shapes and sizes (and colour), and in truth they were quite unsightly, but we had fun making, and they were perfectly edible!
Glutinous rice balls are really quite "flexible", so nothing can go wrong, really. If anything, just fry it! (笑)
(Please refer to the July 2008 post)

Well then, Merry Christmas!

And till next time.

Final Distance

2009-12-19T20:59:00.005+08:00

"You shouldn't sit on the couch," my younger brother said.

Confused, I gave him a questioning look. I wasn't sitting on the couch at that very moment.

"Because everytime you sit on it, you end up falling asleep!", he laughed.

That was something I didn't expect to hear.

But when I think about it, it's probably true. My subconscious knew it too. Perhaps that's why whenever we have a family movie session, I always end up choosing the floor over the couch (笑)

Before I go on, I'd like to apologise, like, really apologise, for the recent lack of updates.

With this much free time, I should be able to update more. And I intended to, too. But everytime I sit in front of my laptop, fingers hovering over the keyboard ready to type, my mind goes blank.

"Aaaaah, to hell with it, I'll do it tomorrow~", was what I thought everytime.

Then the same thing happens tomorrow. And tomorrow. And tomorrow. I'm sure you get the picture (笑)

Anyhow, I'm back now with my mind clearer than before.

Over the past week, there were two days during which I was home alone from morning until late evening. It was the first time I was truly alone, without the company of family members or friends (except for the dogs and the hamster and the fishes) ever since coming back to Malaysia close to a month ago, so I was able to spend some quality time with myself.

In the span of those few lonely hours, I was able to get lots of cleaning done, and had even started on a book, a rather unusual thing for me to do since I don't read much, save for fanfictions.

But the feeling of accomplishment at the end of the day from having everything nice and clean, and the enjoyment I felt from listening to instrumentals and sipping tea while reading was very nice, so I intend to do that more often.

The photos are of the outing I had with Boon and Yoke Heng on Tuesday.

All three of us live hours away from one another, so to be able to meet up like this, even if it's only for half a day, made me really happy. Though, I think I should apologise for wasting quite a bit of our time together being indecisive over which brand of tea to buy (笑)

To end this post, I'd like to share with you an old song which I've just rediscovered from one of Hong Aun's plurk, "Final Distance" by 宇多田ヒカルさん (Utada Hikaru-san).

The song was arranged in honour of 山下玲奈さん (Yamashita Rena-san), a 6-year-old who had previously won an essay competition, writing about how she respected, and wanted to be a singer just like 宇多田ヒカルさん. 山下玲奈さん was murdered in a school stabbing incident in 2001.

Bastard Defined

2009-12-11T23:56:00.002+08:00

You know you've come across a bastard when he refuses to return the handphone that your younger sister accidentally drops when both of you go jogging one day.

The nerve of that guy!

I hope he rots in hell.

What's The Hurry?

2009-12-06T19:20:00.003+08:00

It's been two full weeks since I got home.
Two full weeks, during which nothing much happened, but at the same time, a lot has.

I couldn't remember a time when I had felt so out of place.

For the longest time now, I have been looking forward to this day - this day when Uni would be over, when I can finally say that I am ready to see the world, to be an independent adult who no longer cling to her parents' sleeves.
For this day to come, I have worked hard.
The effort that I have put in, everything has been for the sake of this day.

I was ready, I thought I was, to welcome this day.
And it wasn't until I've woken up from sleep the next day after the flight home that it hit me, and it hit me hard, just what am I to do now that I no longer have a solid goal to work towards.

"What do I want out of life?"
"What had I wanted to become?"
"Do I still want that?"
"What can I do now?"
"How should I proceed from here?"
"Will I be alright?"
I asked myself these questions day and night.

Because I have actually wanted to go somewhere,
because I have no idea how to get there,
because this want is at odds with what I had originally wanted,
and because I know that my ability is limited,
I got confused.
I wasn't able to relax. I grew anxious. I got agitated.
And I felt like I'm wasting time.

Things that I used to enjoy doing, I didn't feel like doing anymore.
I spent the day away feeling horrible and hating myself a little bit more than yesterday.
I felt as if I was changing to another person, and I didn't like it, not one bit.

It took me some time to finally pull myself back together again, to remind myself that there's no need to hurry.
After all, provided I don't die early, I'll have a lifetime to figure things out at my own pace, don't I?

In order to be able to look at myself objectively from now onwards, I want to always keep that in mind.

Because I'm A...

2009-11-30T22:45:00.002+08:00

Malaysian.

Being a Malaysian limits opportunities, in more ways than one.

And why am I not surprised.

Pure Evil Exists

2009-11-26T18:50:00.000+08:00

Today, while I was splayed out on the couch browsing through a sales catalogue, my younger sister came up to me and said, in Japanese,

「あなたのお尻はとても大きい。」
(Reads, "Anata no oshiri wa totemo ookii.")
(Literally, "Your rear end is very big.")

The catalogue was then a reading material no more.

It became a weapon to hit brats with unnecessary comments on the head.

Later, when I went to fetch hot water from the thermos for my daily tea, I had the shock of my life.

From when a lizard jumped onto my hand.

So quite naturally, I screamed.

And got scolded by my younger brother for suddenly screaming o(>.<)o

Evil.

They're pure evil I tell you, my younger sister and the lizard are (笑)

ただいま★

2009-11-24T16:45:00.000+08:00

Sweeping and mopping the floor all by myself is like working out at the gym; I sweat just as much.

Sometimes I put so much effort into doing housework that it's ridiculous.

I think I can be a decent housewife.

Sadly I have no such ambition (笑)

After much anxiety at the airport 3 days ago, I made it back home safe, and totally lucky o(^.^)/

My check-in luggage was 4kg heavier than that allowed, and my cabin luggage weighed 12kg instead of the permitted 5kg.

And so the lady at the counter was going to charge me $23 per kg, but for some reason let me off the hook when I was going to pay o(@.@)o

I suspect it's the crestfallen expression that I had on my face (笑)

In the end, I brought home roughly 50kg of stuff at absolutely no charge.

At times I get so lucky I wonder if my luck will run overdraft XD

Last Thursday, when I was strolling down the streets of Fremantle with Yoke Heng who came all the way from Sydney, I got hit hard on my left shoulder.

By an egg.

So some idiot driving around in a car was looking for possible victims to throw eggs at.

Whether I was the intended target or not, I got hit anyway.

Miraculously though, the egg didn't break when it hit me. It only broke when it hit the pavement in the fall.

I'd like to think of it as a prank by some mischievous teenagers instead of an act by racist people though, because it would be truly sad if it happened just because I'm of a different skin colour.

But oh how I'd love to see the look on his face if he had just stayed long enough to discover that the egg didn't break on me (笑)

Those were the more interesting occurrences of my last week of stay in Perth before returning to Malaysia.

So now that I'm back home with an abundance of free time, I'm at a loss as to what to do with myself. So far I haven't been doing anything productive... except for chores that is XD

Prior to returning, I've thought of many, many things to do once I'm back home, but these things got lost on me somehow.

I need to pull myself together; I feel like I'm wasting time *slaps self on both cheeks*

Like always, there are some new additions to the household, the most shocking being the television in my and my elder sister's shared bedroom. Apparently, it's the old one from my Grandparents' since they got a new, less problematic one.

But that still doesn't change the fact that I don't watch TV XD

The pictures in this post were taken in Uni.

Showing Yoke Heng around UWA, I thought that the university that I spent 3 years studying in, was a really beautiful place.

I wonder since when, amidst the hustle of being a university student, that I forget to take some time off to truly appreciate my surroundings and its beauty.

Or was it familiarity at work?

おくりびと

2009-11-12T15:36:00.004+08:00

「おくりびと」 (Okuribito), otherwise known as "Departures" in English, was a worthy watch.

Though it's embarrassing to admit, I had a good cry.

It makes me want to visit 山形 (Yamagata), and this rather strange urge to learn the cello that I had last time came back all at once too.

I'm glad I get to watch it in the company of good friends o(^.^)/

If you haven't done so already, go watch it, people!

On an unrelated note, here's to share a recent favourite of mine.

The video had me so mesmerised I put it in my iPod right away.

Gotta love the violin girl　♥　

ではでは (well then well then), on to study for my last paper!

Wonderful Life

2009-10-31T11:37:00.001+08:00

I haven't thought of you for years you know
Your memory seems to come & go
Our time meant so much to me
Now you can't be found
You were the first to want me, the first to love me, the first to need me
Who was the last to know you? The last to love you? The last to hold you?

[CHORUS]
It's a wonderful Wonderful Life (so wonderful)
It's a wonderful Wonderful Life (so wonderful)
It's a wonderful Wonderful Life (so wonderful)
Such a wonderful Wonderful Life

I thought of you again today
Reminded me how with time I've changed
If you only knew what you gave to me
Now you can't be found
You were the first I trusted
I learned what love is when we were just kids
When did you get so lost? How could you think you were better off?

[CHORUS]
It's a wonderful Wonderful Life (so wonderful)
Why'd you have to say goodbye?
It's a wonderful Wonderful Life (so wonderful)
Such a wonderful Wonderful Life

Thank you for those special moments
You will always be here in my mind
Did you know you changed my life?
I'm thankful for that time
I'm thankful for that time
I'm thankful for that time

[CHORUS]
It's a wonderful Wonderful Life
Why'd you have to say goodbye?
It's a wonderful Wonderful Life (so wonderful)
I'm asking why but I'll never know
It's a wonderful Wonderful Life (so wonderful)
Why'd you have to say goodbye?
It's a wonderful Wonderful Life (so wonderful)
Such a wonderful Wonderful Life
It's a wonderful Wonderful Life
Such a wonderful Wonderful Life

I can't get this song out of my head o(=.="o)(o"=.=)o

Aaaah, I can't wait till the exams end. Then I'll have a wonderful life (笑)

By the way yesterday's dinner was sumptuous. Let's hope it won't be the last.

Good luck everyone, for the finals. Let's work hard together o(^.^)/

いっしょにがんばりましょうね～
(isshoni ganbarimashou ne~)

迷子

2009-10-27T23:54:00.006+08:00

Today, I went for a walk in the middle of the night to Uni again.

It seemed to have become a way for me to get my mind off things.

I wasn't alone today though.

Sitting in front of the tower for a long while, I stared at a pair of glowing eyes that were staring back at me.

Beckoning it to come closer, it did.

It was a raccoon.

That, or a really big, fat cat.

It didn't stay long.

There was a guy on a bicycle too, just across the walkway.

He stayed for as long as I did.

What was he doing there, I wonder?

Was he even human?

Ehhh... but for all I know, he could be wondering about the same thing I did (笑)

ね, Stranger-さん, were you lost too?

Deranged

2009-10-20T00:36:00.003+08:00

Wrong. This is wrong.

Before I knew what I was doing, I found myself in Uni alone at midnight, looking at the stars.

I must have gone insane.

The Pole

2009-10-16T23:41:00.003+08:00

I walked right into a pole by the roadside today.

That was a first.

The impact was a rather huge one, I think, for the contact made a very loud sound, and the pole was left shaking as an aftereffect.

It was so comical all my friends didn't know what to say after the initial panic (and some laughter afterwards) subsided (笑)

So now there's a rather large bump on my forehead. I wonder if it'll bruise tomorrow.

But thanks Soo Ling for the egg, Sophy for the analgesic, and everyone else for suggestions on how to take care of the bump.

And Happy Birthday Han! :)

大切な者

2009-10-15T23:18:00.014+08:00

Time flies.

It became mid October before I fully come to be aware of it.

So what does it mean?

Shouldn't it be obvious?

It means that the year is coming to an end.

That the current school term is coming to an end.

It means that my stay here, is coming to an end.

"End this quick, I've had enough..."

That was what I had originally wanted, wasn't it?

In some ways, I still want it badly.

But,

"I'm going to miss this place."

"I'm going to miss you guys."

As the clock slowly ticks away, these thoughts begin to grow in tandem.

"The friends I made here are very important to me."

That much became apparent.

I cannot say for sure that five years down the road we'll still remain friends who keep in close contact with each other.

But while I still have the time, I want to spend it as best I can, with the people who matter.

ちびたち

2009-10-01T22:32:00.003+08:00

Today I spent a few hours drawing chibi(s).

I wonder why is it that I feel like the more I draw, the worse my drawings become.

The reason I stopped drawing so many years ago was because I felt inadequate.

Right now I feel exactly the way I did back then.

Whether it's playing musical instruments, doing sports, taking pictures, or drawing, there always seem to be a barrier I can't cross, a barrier that's stopping me from further improving myself.

"I don't have any exceptional talent in anything", so I thought.

But I shan't stop.

After all, if a person with no talent stops working hard, where will that leave him/her?

Poser!

2009-09-30T22:52:00.003+08:00

This is so... totally... I don't know what to say XD

誕生日プレゼント

2009-09-22T20:35:00.003+08:00

It came it came!!! o(^0^)/

What did?

The birthday present I got myself a little over a month ago =p

It took 11 working days to arrive after it got dispatched in Japan.

As expected, SAL mail is really a lot slower than EMS and Air Mail (and a lot cheaper), but I'll admit that I'm just a little impatient when it comes to waiting for stuff sent via the postal service =p

本当にありがとうございました、ぬかずかさん！
(Hontouni arigatou gozaimashita, Nukazuka-san!)

When I found that my long-awaited parcel has arrived after coming back from a mid-semester exam, I was so super happy I felt like I could fly to the moon XD

Ah, what a beautiful day!

Was what I thought.

And then my iPod stopped functioning.

Naturally, that threatened to turn my mood upside down. And it almost succeeded. Almost.

Until Serene showed up and said,

"Like that one lor. What to do. God bless you."

That had strangely made me laugh.

In the end, when I showed it to Ken, my iPod started working again.

And the day went back to being beautiful.

So much that I don't think I'll even care if I have a black eye tomorrow due to Kai Xiang's overly enthusiastic "hand movement" XD

Ah, a beautiful day indeed.

Stay Gold

2009-09-21T22:57:00.007+08:00

My current fascination,

宇多田ヒカルさんの「Stay Gold」
(Utada Hikaru-san's "Stay Gold")

恋って何だろう?

２２歳

2009-09-21T21:03:00.005+08:00

You might not know this, but I turned 22 the Sunday of September 13.

If I have not done so already, I wish to thank everyone for all the kind wishes I've received that day.

And to the people who gave me presents to remember them by, I promise to treasure and keep those safe with me till the end of this life.

And...

I'll try to stay 18 every year after.

Yeah, like that could happen XD

But if I'm going to age, I want to age gracefully, and hopefully be a better person than I was the year before.

Mentally I don't think I've matured much, if at all, since I was 13 of age. So now that I'm 22, I want to think and act responsibly like the adult that I should have been.

To Mom and Dad, thank you for always supporting and loving an unworthy child like me. As always, please kindly watch over me.

Guess That Character

2009-09-11T23:56:00.003+08:00

I haven't been drawing for more than half a year. But today, I picked up my pencil and did a sketch o(^.^)/

It's still a work-in-progress, but I hope you're able to guess this character =p

Ridiculously Ridiculous

2009-09-06T22:01:00.007+08:00

"Do you need 'that'?" S asked, after finding out that I'll be gone for the evening to hang out with a guy friend.

"Ah, I gave it to T already though, and he gave it to his cousin sister," she added.

It took me a moment to figure out what she was talking about.

"You... What kind of woman do you take me for?" was the resounding question in my mind. But it never made it past my lips.

"Don't worry, don't worry! If anything happens, you can always go to the hospital and report to the police," P chimed in.

For the next 20 minutes or so, P won't stop babbling to me about the hospital and the police.

And me, I had a headache. For the very first time, I was glad to leave the dining table when my friend called.

'That', ladies and gentlemen, was a condom. Yes, a condom.

The morning after, when P saw me during breakfast, the first words she said to me was, "Oh, you're still alive!", with a genuinely surprised face. "Did you report to the police?"

I had never felt the need to slam my head against the nearest wall so desperately as I had felt then.

That was too ridiculously ridiculous.

I always know there's a reason why I don't quite get along with most city girls. We are practically from two different worlds.

Just because most girls these days rush to lose their virginity right after they're of age, it doesn't mean that those who strive to protect it don't exist o(=.="o)

Anyway, in case you're wondering, that friend and I only went to dinner and karaoke. There's really nothing going on so if you're looking for gossip material, there won't be any XD

During karaoke, I tried singing Japanese songs for a change, but discovered from the list that I really don't know that many. I ended up singing ドラえもんの歌 (Doraemon no Uta) - the Doraemon theme song; you know, the one that goes like

あん～あん～あん～
An~ An~ An~
とっても大好き
Tottemo daisuki
ドラえもん～
Doraemon~

I love that song *laughs*

It brings back childhood memories =)

And in the spirit of all things Doraemon, I also bought どら焼き (Dorayaki) o(^.^)/

To friends who want one, please feel free to drop by before I finish it all =p

Ah, it's a bit random, but here's a few jokes that I found amusing from one of the books that I bought at the books sale. Hope it brightens your day as it does mine =)

Anniversary
"Does your husband ever remember your wedding anniversary?"
"No, so I remind him of it in January and June, and I get two presents."

Baby-sitter
Someone you employ to watch your television set.

Beans
Husband: Beans again!
Wife: I don't understand it. You liked beans on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, and now all of a sudden you don't like beans.

Brat
A child who acts like yours but belongs to a neighbour.

Cheque
A young college student wrote home to his family: "Dear Mom and Dad: I haven't heard from you in nearly a month. Please send a cheque so I'll know you're all right."

Chocolate
My wife is a lousy cook. The first time she made dinner I choked on a bone in a chocolate pudding.

Clever
"Do clever men make good husbands?"
"Clever men don't become husbands."

Driving
"How long did it take your wife to learn to drive?"
"About two-and-a-half cars."

Dumb
"The Lord made us beautiful and dumb."
"How's that?"
"Beautiful so men would love us, and dumb so we could love them."

Germs
Husband: Don't put that money in your mouth. There's germs on it.
Wife: Don't be silly. Even a germ can't live on the money you earn.

Hair Colour
They say brunettes have a sweeter disposition than blonds and redheads. Don't believe it. My wife has been all three, and I couldn't see any difference.

Happy
Ken: For eighteen long years my girl and I were deliriously happy.
Bob: Then what happened?
Ken: We met.

Honeymoon
The vacation a man takes before beginning work under a new boss.

Judgment
Husband: But you must admit that men have better judgment than women.
Wife: Oh yes - you married me, and I married you.

Kissing
"May I kiss you?"
Silence.
"May I please kiss you?"
Silence.
"Are you deaf?"
"No, are you paralysed?"

Kitchen
Bob: Somehow I don't think my wife knows her way around the kitchen.
Ray: Why do you say that?
Bob: This morning I saw her trying to open an egg with a can opener.

Linguist
"I hear your husband is a linguist."
"Yes, he speaks three languages - golf, football, and baseball."

Marriage
"We've been married for fifty years."
"How does it feel?"
"Who feels after fifty years?"

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music, and a slow walk home. She goes Tuesdays; I go Fridays.

Marriage is like a violin - after the music stops, the strings are still attached.

Boy: Will you marry me?
Girl: No, but I'll always admire your good taste.

He: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
She: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

Misjudged
Wife: I should have taken my mother's advice and never married you! How she tried to stop me!
Husband: Holy mackerel, how I've misjudged that woman!

Money
Wife: I think you only married me because my daddy left me a lot of money.
Husband: That's not true. I didn't care who left you the money.

Mud packs
"Every once in a while my wife puts on one of those mud packs."
"Does it improve her looks?"
"Only for a few days - then the mud falls off."

Predict
Sammy: Do you think anyone can predict the future with cards?
Danny: My mother can. She takes one look at my report cards, then tells me exactly what will happen when my dad gets home.

Rule the world
Husband: I know you're having a lot of trouble with the baby, dear, but keep in mind, "The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world."
Wife: Well, in that case, would you mind taking over the world while I go shopping?

Seafood diet
My husband is on a seafood diet. Every time he sees food, he eats.

Water bed
Esther: Why did you get rid of your water bed?
Sharon: Bill and I were drifting apart.

Weight
Husband: I just lost ten pounds!
Wife: Turn around - I think I found them.

Yawn
A lady was complaining to her husband about the ill manners of a friend who had just left. "If that woman yawned once while I was talking, she yawned ten times."
"Maybe she wasn't yawning, dear," replied the husband. "Perhaps she was trying to say something."

(Humor is tremendous! by Charlie Jones and Bob Phillips)

The Sin In Not Knowing

2009-08-22T21:15:00.009+08:00

That day when I was walking back to my room after breakfast, an acquaintance who was heading back to her room, presumably from school, stopped in her track when she saw me.

That person, who used to live on the same floor as myself, isn't exactly the friendliest person alive.

So what could she possibly want from me? I wondered. Perhaps she's just feeling a bit friendlier today and wants to have a small talk? That must be it...

I shrugged, and continued walking towards that person who was standing idly waiting for me.

"Have you seen Sharon?" she was the first to talk.

"Sharon who?" I ran through the names of the students living here with us that I know of, and couldn't match that name to a face.

She mumbled something I couldn't quite hear.

"I'm sorry, I don't think I know Sharon..."

The words she said to me next had me stunned in place for a second.

"How come you everything also don't know!"

That was... the first time I got scolded for not knowing something *laughs*

Anyway, the annual book sale for charity has begun o(^.^)/

I went for the very first time yesterday night with Han, Soo Ling, and Pei Ling. We lined up for more than an hour just to get in =p

There were lots and lots of old books, it was amazing. If you happen to love books (and not mind that they're secondhand) and live in Perth, then by all means please visit. It's until next Wednesday =)

Like clothes on sale, books were strewn everywhere on the tables, according to categories for you to dig through. So if you didn't find anything to your liking, you would have had at least some fun digging? *laughs*

Even myself, who don't read much books, found some treasures XD But of course, my choice in books is as weird as it gets. Can you actually believe that the first section I stopped by to dig through was the section for dictionaries? o(=.="o)

These are what I brought home. Ah, I'm getting nerdier by the day XD

It was fun, so I went again this morning. Me thinks I'm going to go again soon o(^.^o)(o^.^)o

I had a really interesting dream the other day.

In that dream, I was looking at a promotional poster of an upcoming movie. The images on that poster moved, showing the story of a time of war when women and men alike were recruited to join the army.

So the two main protagonists of the story met and fell in love with each other in a military training camp. One was a high-ranked officer, the other a new recruit who showed tremendous potential. Days were difficult and tough to pass by, but even so, they were fine because they had each other. That was, until the day came when one of them was sent out to war, leaving the other behind.

It's a story of a love that could not be, because of the hatred that dominated mankind.

The backdrop of the movie was beautiful, and so were the characters. I was getting really excited. I wanted to watch that movie.

Until my stupid alarm clock rang.

So the next five minutes after waking up was spent sitting on my bed, mourning for the loss of what could possibly be one of the best dreams I've ever had *laughs*

Here's to share my current addiction. I know I'm probably a little outdated since this song has been out there for quite some time now, but ah, who cares. I just love these two parts:

See the lights, see the party, the ballgowns
See you make your way through the crowd
And say hello
Little did I know
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Romeo, save me
I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you
But you never come
Is this in my head?
I don't know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring
And said

Marry me, Juliet
You never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad
Go pick out a white dress
It's a love story
Baby, just say yes

Which is like, the beginning and the end. Don't know why =p

Friendship Weekend

2009-08-16T23:39:00.004+08:00

That's right.

Like the title of this post suggests, I spent the whole weekend bonding with friends *laughs*

From talking on the phone with Yoke Heng and chatting over at Bruce's room with Bruce, Han, and Soo Ling to hanging out with Carrie, Linda, and Helwa, my 3 days off Uni went by in the blink of an eye.

But unfortunately, that also means that my weekly work pile has just grown in size XD

Even so, the weekend that has just passed by easily became the most enjoyable weekend that I've had ever since coming back to Perth.

So to the people listed above, thank you.

By the way, both ちびなつき (Chibi Natsuki) had their birthday yesterday (15 August) *grins*

Set Ablaze... Not

2009-08-09T18:00:00.004+08:00

Narrow escapes.

When you have had one too many, does that make you lucky or unlucky?

"Never play with fire," the adults always say. Growing up, I never did. And I still don't.

So can you believe that I was almost set ablaze, in a Korean restaurant? *laughs*

It happened when the mini gas tank combusted right in front of me, engulfing my right arm in flames faster than one could blink, before the fire died down to a still alarmingly strong, but relatively safer, level.

Funny thing is that my hand did not get burnt. And neither did my jacket sleeve catch fire. Weird, but I'm not complaining. It was just a little embarrassing when everyone suddenly stopped doing whatever it was that they were doing to look at me in horror.

I wonder if I should go buy a lottery ticket *laughs*

By the way, here's what I promised to show.

ちびなつき！
(Mini Natsuki!)

Ain't it cute ain't it cute? o(^0^)/

I'm not really a big fan of figurines, but these are too cute (and too cheap) to not bring home XD

But of course that's not all, given the size of the parcel that came.

Three ドラマCD (Drama CDs) and two 漫画 (manga) accompanied these two cute little things.

I normally wouldn't spend on these kind of things because they're generally very expensive, but the seller was selling them for a lot cheaper than the market price, so... =p

Ah, you probably wouldn't believe me if I tell you this, but I actually bought half of these for educational purposes *laughs* Because the ドラマCD (Drama CDs) are in Japanese (Drama CDs are audio-only with no visual), I figured they'll give me extra listening practice.

If one day I can somehow fully understand what's going on in the CDs, I'd be ecstatic o(^.^)o

The Excitement Within

2009-08-05T23:53:00.004+08:00

A package arrived for me on Monday o(^0^)/

What could be inside you ask?

I'll let you know in my next post =p

But it's definitely something cute ;)

Beautifully Imperfect

2009-08-01T19:24:00.009+08:00

We had dim sum today. A total of 11 people went o(^.^)/

It's still early in the semester so most of us are free to go.

And these are my partners in crime of excessive calorie consumption =p

皆さん(everyone), how much weight did you gain today? *smiles broadly*

As for me, I'm subjecting myself to restraining order. Yep, no where near the weighing machine. For now. Maybe I'll weigh myself later tonight, just to be sure o(=.="o)

Ah, I haven't done this in awhile, so here's a little something to amuse you.

You don't see any eyebags. Yes, you don't. If I keep saying that, perhaps you won't *laughs*

Honestly, these kind of things (syok sendiri I mean), you can't do too often, lest people accuse you of being a narcissist XD

Ah, am I one?

There are days when I wake up in the morning telling myself "Hey, don't be so hard on yourself, you're actually not that bad", and there are days I spend loathing myself, wishing I could be more like somebody else.

These imperfections, these flaws, are what I'm working hard to eliminate each and every day. To be a better person, to improve myself day by day so that I can be at ease with myself; these became my reasons to live.

But will there be anyone, who will, by any chance, find these imperfections perfect?

I saw this video yesterday, played it over 5 times, and cried each and every time.

Please do watch it, in memory of Yasmin Ahmad, the maker of this and many other wonderful advertisements, who had just recently passed away.

久しぶりのアップデート

2009-07-30T23:27:00.008+08:00

To begin, please don't throw stones at me just because you check this blog every so often for something new to read but discovered none =p

I have good reasons for that. Really, I do. But reasons are just excuses in the eyes of many, especially when they are reasons for things that you fail to do. And while we're on this topic, here's to share what my younger sister told (or more like complained) to me of what some of her teachers in school have to say when you fail to do what they ask of you.

Teacher: Apa alasan kamu? (What's your excuse?)
Student: *Insert student-perceived-reason-but-teacher-perceived-excuse here*
Teacher: Jangan bagi alasan! (Don't give excuses!)

Honestly, I don't know why they even bother asking *laughs*

Ah anyway, I'm back in Perth, in case you didn't know =)

Everything is more or less the way they were before.

I'm back to eating apples for snacks.
(Because they're readily available)

I'm back to occasional tea-spilling.
(It's not on purpose okay, wasting tea is a sin!)

And I'm back to using up obscene amount of tissue paper.
(Whether it's for my never ending flu, the tears that my eyes so conveniently produce whenever I watch a sad movie or think sad thoughts, or simply cleaning up spilled tea)

I wonder if I should set myself a daily limit. For apples, tea, and tissue o(@.@)o

Classes have also resumed, although I'm not too thrilled with this 8am lecture that necessitates waking up super early in the morning during wintertime, with a lecturer who talks like a machine gun. Never mind the lecture materials; trying to stay awake is already a challenge in itself o(=.="o)

But on the bright side, I get to be under the tutelage of some of my favourite teachers again this semester. Their classes are fun, so everyday I look forward to learning new things from them o(^0^)/

Today, while waiting for class to begin, 野本先生 (Nomoto-sensei), one of my Japanese language teachers, said something I thought interesting. Our conversation went like this:

野本先生:　冬休みはどうでしたか。 (How was winter break?)
私(Me): ああ、よかったです。(Ah, it was good.)
野本先生：どこかに行きましたか。(Did you go anywhere?)
私：マレーシアにかえりました。(I went back to Malaysia.)
野本先生：そうですか。ご両親のうちでとまりましたか。(Really? Did you stay at your parents' house?)
私：はい。(Yes.)

It was your normal, day-to-day conversation, but I was really intrigued when she asked me that one last question.

Isn't my parents' house also my house? And I only have one house in Malaysia...

I caught myself thinking.

Perhaps the Japanese live independently, on their own, having a home separate from that of which they grew up in when they reach 18, like their Western counterparts?

To be honest, as a kid, I thought of that as a very lonely thing to do. Why would anyone want to leave their parents so early in life? Wouldn't their parents be left all alone then?

As I grow up, I begin to understand that it's not about wanting freedom and leaving your parents behind; it's about learning to be independent as an adult.

To rely heavily on, subsequently being a burden to my parents is something that I never want to do, and try to avoid doing at all costs. Even though they would never see me as a burden, I guess my pride swells too much to allow me to depend on them, mostly financially, if it's for my own selfish wants and desires.

From the age of 17 onwards, I was almost always away from home. From being selected for National Service to college and finally going to a university abroad, the time I spent at home became less and less each year. But is that being independent too?

While having a scholarship to finance my studies and cover my living expenses have certainly helped me reduce my financial dependency on my parents significantly, I became financially dependent on the funds from the government. As I thought, to be fully independent, I need to start earning money on my own.

Ah, I look forward to that day when I can make a living out of these two hands.

Like always, thank you for everything Mom and Dad, for providing for me the best that you know how and putting up with my selfish whims all these years o(^.^)o

Sorry, that became unintentionally long *apologetic smile*

Anyhow, thanks to everyone who have read up to this point. Surely my rambles aren't very interesting to read *laughs*

The pictures are from last week's outing to celebrate Jae Hoon's 19th birthday. So young right? And you know, I'm the oldest female present that day. I just feel the need to point that out in case you're deceived by my lack of height XD

行って来ます！

2009-07-18T23:19:00.004+08:00

The long awaited parcel arrived yesterday at last! o(^.^)/

So to commemorate, I had the below picture taken =p

I know I kinda look idiotic holding the parcel like that but if you want to laugh please don't do it in front of me *laughs*

With this, friends who will be seeing me soon should have no reason to be surprised at what I did to my hair. After all I don't think I look too different from how I did two years back.

But would anyone still believe me if I claim to be only twenty? XD

(Note: The next update will be from Perth. Do kindly wish this idiot a safe journey back, thank you)

どら焼き

2009-07-15T23:22:00.006+08:00

This どら焼き (dorayaki), the last one at home, is now inside my stomach o(^0^)o

ごちそうさまでした～♪

When will I be able to have one again I wonder?

Beauty Comes At A Price

2009-07-14T23:12:00.005+08:00

Looks like I did it again.

With so much free time, shouldn't I be able to update my blog more often than this?

But regrettably, even though it's the holidays, the time that I spend with my laptop is getting lesser each day, for the very reason that is my laziness to switch it on *laughs*

Who needs the laptop when you can check your mails and visit your favourite websites from your iPod? =p

Because I only visit a select few websites each day, having done that already using the iPod, whenever I switch on my laptop I end up wondering what to do next.

Lately it's online shopping that I got into.

And the clothes that I ordered arrived today! o(^0^)/

Half of these are my elder sister's so I'm not too guilty of excessive spending (<-- yes)

Haha.

Online shopping is too addictive. The moment Mr. Postman comes deliver your stuff is the happiest XD

I remember being overwhelmed by the amount of clothes (mostly outerwear) I own while I was cleaning up my closet earlier this year, subsequently making a promise to myself to not do anymore unnecessary clothes-shopping for the rest of the year.

Alas I broke that resolve.

That makes me truly a girl, eh? *laughs*

Despite having bad fashion sense, I do own quite a number of nice clothes you know. I just never feel the need to dress up when it's just to attend a two-hour lecture or a simple dinner with a normal friend. Too much time spent fixing my appearance tires me immensely, so it's normally "whatever, as long as it's comfy" for me.

So then when is the right occasion to go all out?

I find myself wondering. But decided that my days are so mundane I couldn't be bothered making the effort. So until the day comes when my attitude change, do expect a poorly-dressed me *laughs*

Ah, speaking of perfecting one's appearance, I attended a beauty fair with my aunt yesterday.

It's a yearly event attended by those in the beauty industry - dealers and beauticians alike. As a beautician's niece and occasional helper, I'm given the privilege to go.

There were lots of stuff to see, machineries I never knew existed, devices so advanced I could never imagine, beauty products so vast in type and use for virtually every part of the human body it was truly an eye-opener.

They may differ in terms of function, but they all hold the same objective - to beautify oneself.

And they share one more thing in common... they are all freaking expensive!

Honestly, if you are born ugly and have no money, you can say bye-bye to physical beauty o(=.="o)

There were a few things that caught my interest, but being a poor student I couldn't afford any of those *sniffles*

Oh well.

At least I got to know the industry better (although it's one that I'm fairly certain I won't pursue a career in). And there were some demonstrations and free trials.

Like?

My health got analysed and I was given a cup of this special fruit and veggie mix from Japan that is supposed to help lower cholesterol level (even though the results showed that I'm reasonably healthy in that respect).

This booth keeper advertising a new type of super effective (?) acne cream said it's suitable for people like me (!) and dabbed some on me. But since when do I have acne? It's the occasional pimples, not acne okay! *huffs*

My left leg got waxed and my right hand got treated to a hand-spa (I know, such imbalance...)

These two ladies dragged my aunt and I into their body-shaping lingerie booth, the first lady engaging my aunt in a discussion about their product line, and the second lady shoving me into the fitting room to try on their bra. It easily became one of the most embarrassing things to have had happened to me in the course of my 21 (going on 22) years of life. Oh, and guess how much that piece that I tried on costs? A freaking RM1200.

Truly, beauty comes at a price.

So guys, if you want your girl to be physically beautiful, don't complain about them spending too much money. It's for your ego and their self-confidence after all *laughs*

And to unlucky girls like me, let's just hope that there are actually people who don't mind ugly exteriors XD

A Recollection

2009-07-02T21:50:00.009+08:00

I was getting reacquainted with my guitar when I remembered the cup of green tea that I left on the dining table to cool down to a delectable temperature earlier.

Putting down the instrument that I hadn't touched in a long while until recently, I went to retrieve my addiction.

And stopped short staring at those eyes that stared right back at me.

A second passed by.

Two.

"YAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

The scream reverberated through the house, making its occupants jump slightly, and sending the owner of those pair of eyes scrambling away as fast as its tiny legs would allow.

My elder sister yelled at me for yelling (albeit not as loud).

I was too enraged to care.

That lizard was crawling too suspiciously near my tea.

...

I hate lizards. I always had, and always will.

During lower secondary, there was this guy who always got on my nerves.

He was the school delinquent. I was the head prefect. I hated his guts. He hated mine.

We were complete opposites.

And we had the 'perfect' sort of relationship for TV drama material.

Like typical TV drama, the guy fell in love with the girl, and started playing nice.

A new friendship begun.

But unlike typical TV drama, the girl didn't feel the same way. She saw a friend in him, and that was that.

So a day came when the guy wanted an answer from the girl, having known that the girl knew about his feelings for her through his blatantly obvious displays.

The guy asked to meet up after school.

But the girl, having no prior experience of rejecting a guy, in a moment of panic, decided not to turn up and went home instead.

A friendship that was there was then no more, and over time, the girl would hear from friends of how the guy waited and waited that day, for someone who would never show up.

Now, many years later, the girl wished she had shown up that day and told him directly that friendship was all that she could offer. Because affection, no matter who and where they come from, deserve an honest answer, even when they're not returned. Especially when they're not returned.

I'm sorry. You must be puzzled by the abrupt topic switch. But well, they aren't entirely unrelated...

That guy did look a little like the creeping creature that I detest so much o(=.="o) That encounter with 'it' just reminded me of him somewhat.

Ahaha.

Anyway, that's enough of self-condemnation for one day. Moving on, I'd like to apologise for my recent lack of update. I know it's the holidays and all, and I'm supposed to be a free woman with nothing to do at home, but... that's not the case.

Each and everyday, my life is filled with the excitement of doing household chores o(^.^)/

Ah well, pretty much that is *laughs* They are all must-dos so I can't complain much. But besides chores, I've been indulging myself in what little interests I have too.

Over here days are slow and sometimes boring, but I'm sure these are the days that I would fondly recall later on in life. There are much more that I would like to do though, while I still have time.

By the way, here's to share my favourite song as of late, SNOW by 島宮えい子 (Shimamiya Eiko), the album mix version.

The visual is of a manga, which upon viewing I find rather... intriguing? Anyhow, the art is lovely, if you're open-minded enough to appreciate it that is *laughs*

Till the next update then o(^.^)o

Endurance Test?

2009-06-12T23:35:00.004+08:00

試験は終わりました！
Examinations have ended!

For me at least =)

This morning I had the toughest exam of my life. Not because the paper was difficult, but because it was freezing cold inside the examination hall o(=.="o)

It was cold, so cold that for 3 hours 10 minutes and some more, I was trembling and shaking in my seat. Can you believe it? My already ugly handwriting turned even uglier from all those shivering!

I seriously thought I was going to die from the cold.

With so much fat in my body, you'd think that I'll be well protected against the cold, but no! Not only do fat makes you look bad, they're pretty much useless too o(>.<)o

After the exam, my brain felt like millions of needles were poking at it, and my muscles went stiff and sore. They still are actually. I need a massage.

Tomorrow, I'll be off to buy tea. The tea donation that I got from some friends last week can only last me so many days. The store better be fully-stocked by tomorrow, or else... friends will have to endure a sulky, tea-deprived me *laughs*

その夢は。。。

2009-06-03T19:10:00.008+08:00

お久しぶり！
Pronounced: ohisashiburi
Meaning: It's been awhile/Long time no see

This is Amanda who's struggling to focus on her revisions for her end-of-semester examinations next week o(=.=o)

Honestly...

Aren't the lecturers being a tad bit unfair? Giving out assignments so late into the semester, expecting students to adhere to the deadlines while they take their own sweet time grading. And here I thought lecturers must set good examples for the students.

Bleh.

I'm just rambling, no hard feelings.

But truly, it's difficult to find teachers who are really passionate about teaching these days.

So I'm really glad the teachers (and the students) in my Japanese language classes are really enthusiastic about teaching (and learning).

I should have taken it sooner. I wish I can turn back time.

バカ (baka)

*Hits self on the head*

In any case, what's done is done. No use regretting over things that could not be changed. People can only look forward, right?

Ah, the days leading to exams are truly depressing. And the weather is not helping at all.

When I'm depressed, I eat more. When I eat more, I get even more depressed. Some weirdo I am *laughs*

I had a rather strange dream the other day. Like what seem to occasionally be the case these days, the dream wasn't about myself. But it managed to disturb me so greatly I was jolted out of it halfway, and couldn't get back to it no matter how hard I tried. The expression on their faces were so pained. I want to know the ending.

Do you believe in past lives?

Taking Absentmindedness To A Whole New Level

2009-05-24T22:16:00.000+08:00

It was dinnertime.

As usual, merry conversation was going around the dinner table, the topic one that I could not recall. I was staring off into space, cup of green tea raised mid-air as I maneuvered the brim towards my lips.

I was listening, really, I was, but my mind could not process what was being said. I stared blankly ahead, in that instant lost to the world.

"Amanda!"

I was dimly aware of someone calling out to me.

"Hey, Amanda!"

"Amanda?!"

"Oi, you alright?!"

More people were calling out to me now, their voices seemingly alarmed, urgent. I was broken out of my reverie.

"Huh?"

I looked around, finding all eyes on me. I couldn't make out who said what, they were all calling out to me, faces bearing similar expressions - one of bewilderment.

Wha...?

I looked down. And saw the cause of such reactions from my tablemates.

あら

I was... pouring my tea onto the dinner table.

あら indeed.

In the end, the embarrassment of it all overrode whatever distress I felt over the waste of my precious tea.

And so it seemed that I had taken my "screensaver mode" (or so the guys liked to call it) to a whole new level.

The お茶 Craze

2009-05-21T23:05:00.007+08:00

"Do you drink two cups of tea everyday?"

Eyeing the two cups of green tea in front of me, a friend who occasionally joins us for meals had asked during lunch one day.

Being asked such a question, I blinked hard once.

Twice.

Then I answered, the best I know how.

"I uh... don't know how to answer you."

And the others laughed. They knew.

If I were to ask you how many cups of water you drink everyday, surely you wouldn't be able to come up with a clear answer? Because water is so fundamental that you just don't keep count.

Well, my problem is that... I drink green tea more than I do water o(=.="o)

And the best part is, I wouldn't have noticed if it wasn't for that one random question *laughs*

But you know what, because I'm so used to (sugarless) green tea, I can now enjoy coffee without any cream/sugar too, though I don't take coffee very often.

When I was in Japan, I went ballistic over green tea. They have a green tea version for almost everything! It was paradise o(^.^)/

And my poor sister, seeing that every food stuff I bought was related to green tea one way or another, had adopted the "no eyes see" attitude throughout the trip *laughs*

Recently, I've been a pretty cranky person, always easily upset over the slightest things. As always, it has something to do with my expectations of others.

If I can, and am willing to put in that much effort, then why can't other people show the same level of commitment too?

Is what I've always thought. And when they fail to meet my expectations, I get horribly disappointed, subsequently becoming overly critical of flaws and mistakes. It's not my most attractive trait I know, and one that I'm still struggling to get rid of.

But too engrossed was I in that disappointment that I had forgotten the single most important lesson that I've learned over the years. That just because other people aren't doing things the way you want them to, the way you expect them to, doesn't mean that they aren't already trying their very best, in their own way.

Ah, I've been such a pain lately, haven't I?

Expectations... I want to live life without them.

喪家の狗

2009-05-17T23:45:00.005+08:00

I woke up this morning feeling a little lost inside.

Why am I here?

Where am I headed to?

What exactly am I set out to do?

Are questions to which the answers should be obvious.

But they are oh-so-obscure, to my very clouded mind.

Ah, I want nothing more than to lie down on the grass one warm day, and stare at the vast expanse of the clear blue sky, thinking of nothing, absolutely nothing at all.

What You Don't Know Won't Hurt You

2009-05-15T01:40:00.002+08:00

A junior of mine, also a classmate for one of my tutorials, rambled on to me the other day,

“You know ar, those Business students, they get the new building. And then they leave this old one for the Arts students. So not fair la.”

Five minutes later, the conversation continued on with a switch of topic.

“Yesterday my mom called me and told me that my cousin got a scholarship to go to Germany. Then she asked me why I cannot be like my cousin. So I said I don’t have the scholarship DNA in me. Then she doesn’t want to talk to me already (laughs). True what, if cannot get then cannot get lor, scholarship only ma.”

Such a truthful child. I like her already *chuckles*

Same Difference

2009-05-09T23:39:00.003+08:00

My strides were always full of purpose. My thoughts always centred and in-focus.

But yesterday, my movements turned uncharacteristically sluggish. My mind went conveniently blank.

It wasn’t all that surprising really. After all, I did go by 30 hours without sleep.

This weekend is really the first ‘true weekend’ that I’m allowed to have in three weeks. For the past two weekends or so, I was always staying up late into the night, spending my awakening hours burying myself in schoolwork. I can’t remember a time when I was so diligent about completing assignments. Sure, I did stay up all night for one or two assignments before, but it was never for two consecutive weekends. Ah, I can’t help it that all my assignment due dates are so freaking close to one another this time.

You must be thinking that I’m the sort of person who leaves all my assignments till the very last minute. Wrong. I’m not. While I have no problem studying last minute, I can never extend the same treatment to my assignments.

So what’s with the whole not-sleeping business?

When I really think about it, I’ve only ever stayed up doing group assignments. Not that my group members are unreliable people - not this time around – but I just find myself voluntarily doing the extra work. Perhaps it’s because I’m working with people who really put in an effort in things they do; so in feeling of thanks, I’m happy doing so much more for them. Or maybe it’s just because being the freak perfectionist that I am, I just couldn’t stand leaving raw, unedited work without going through it at least a couple more times.

But whichever it is, I’m glad that all of us have a hand in the finished product. At the end of the day, it’s having good teamwork that matters right?

Really, staying up once in awhile isn’t too bad a thing. You get to literally see the beginning of a new day. And you get the feeling that everyone’s different from yesterday, while you’re still the same you, bringing forward what you’re feeling yesterday towards a brand new day. It’s difficult to explain, but it’s there.

And the best part is, you get to sleep away the whole day afterwards! o(^.^)/

I slept for a total of 15 hours by the way, with dinner and a little catch up with my elder sister who’s oh-so-free at the moment in between.

And I still feel like sleeping XD

Recently, my sugar intake has increased dramatically with all the bubble tea and fruits chips that I consumed. And so, I think I’ve officially gained weight… It’s a little depressing, but to avoid getting depressed is the reason why I felt the need to have comfort food in the first place. Kinda defeats the purpose I know o(=.=”o)

But doesn’t it sound all too familiar to you that the thing you try so desperately to avoid is the one thing that you ultimately can’t avoid? Because everything comes back to haunt you someday.

And I think quite a number of my friends are pissed off at me. Because during the past few weeks, I hadn’t bothered to reply to messages or answer calls. And if I did, those were always short and rushed.

It had only occurred to me that when it comes to work, I put most other things that I consider trivial aside. It’s not that I take friendships lightly, but I feel that when it comes to small, meaningless talk, those can be left for another time when both parties are free to indulge in it.

Questions like “how are you feeling today?” and “what have you been up to?”, surely they can be answered at a later time… right?

To any of my friends who feels neglected and unappreciated, I’m truly sorry. It isn’t in my intention to ignore you so. I can only hope that you understand what I went through.

But ah, friendship is such a fragile thing. I had only come to realise that a little too late. As expected, I’m really no good at matters to do with other people. I feel like I’m becoming a little bit of a hermit each day, and what’s worse is that I don’t feel like stepping out of this little fort that I’ve so effortlessly constructed.

I’ve always admired people who seem to have time for everything. School, work, leisure, family, friends, love; we’re all given the same amount of time each day, so how is it that they are able to pay equal attention to each one of those? Am I really just bad at time management? It’s probably a good thing I’m not involved with anyone. I have a feeling that I’ll get dumped for paying too little attention to them *laughs*

But yeah, love is perhaps the furthest thing from my mind right now. It’s probably a little lonely when you think about it, but I’ve never really felt so strongly for anyone that I’d want to spend the rest of my life with them. Attraction happens, but never passion. Over time, I realise that all I’ve ever wanted is really someone to talk to and share things with on a deeper level. So can I have a talking partner instead? XD

At this rate, I wonder if I’ll even get to experience what it’s like to be in a relationship with someone *laughs*

Ah, this became a sort of a rambling post. I congratulate you if you even made it to this point.

Anyway, as you would have probably noticed, the theme for today’s photos is that of 着物 (kimono) and/or 浴衣 (yukata). It’s one of the few things that fascinate me most about Japan. Girls, when wearing these, look really elegant and sophisticated. It’s a wonderful thing that they manage to keep this tradition alive. After all, how many Chinese ladies do you see walking down the streets wearing cheongsam these days? Hardly.

My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me

Boulevard of Broken Dreams – Green Day

I Close My Eyes, And It Becomes Visible

2009-04-30T23:11:00.009+08:00

Haven't I been a bad owner lately? Neglecting my blog like that...

Excuses, I won't give any. But I think those around me must understand too, since they're just as busy, if not more so. I'm in my last year; I take comfort in knowing that whatever ordeal I'm facing now as a university student will end soon, but that shouldn't mean I should give in any less effort in things I do. To not care about things, that is one state that I fear, and try desperately to avoid falling into.

Busy as I am at the moment, since it's the last day of the month, I felt that I should at least pay my blog a little visit and post a thing or two.

It has been close to two weeks since I got back to Perth. Before I truly came to believe that I was indeed strolling down the streets of 東京 (Tokyo), climbing the steps of temples and shrines in 京都 (Kyoto), and trying out the famous お好み焼き (okonomiyaki) in 大阪 (Osaka), my short holiday in Japan had come to an end.

As to be expected, a week is truly insufficient for a trip to that one place you've always wanted to go to eh?

It was weird to be back. I've got to admit, that after seeing so many beautiful (and I mean physical, both the face and the body) people in Japan, I got really disconcerted walking down to Uni while observing the people around me, thinking things like, "Goodness, have the people here always been this ugly?" o(=.="o)

That was rude, I know, but please do not take offence, because you see, I can't deny the fact that I'm one of those 'ugly' people too *laughs*

It didn't take long for me to re-accustom myself back to life in Perth. It didn't take long, but it took a lot out of me emotionally. To go back to studying from a break, to go back to an energy-draining environment from one that is full of zest and vigour, surely anyone would feel as depressed as I felt?

Post-trip feelings aside, I am truly glad that I went at all. I couldn't have imagined a better way to spend my one-week 'study' break, away from studying. Which I had to suffer the consequences of, during the 16 hours transit that I had to spend at the Hong Kong International Airport, as well as the 7 hours flight back to Perth from Hong Kong. But ah... that is another story for another time.

The pictures were from the time spent in 京都. たかしさん (Takashi-san), a kind person that he is, spent a full day showing us around 京都 and 大阪. What he did for us, I will be forever indebted to. I am truly blessed, to have met a great friend like him.

I'm rowing, rowing towards my future.

日本にいます！

2009-04-13T23:29:00.016+08:00

This is a super delayed update, from the land of...

The cherry blossoms

The temples

The shrines

The electronics

The animation

And the mind-blowing desserts

Their green tea ice-cream is superb I tell you. It really tastes like, well, green tea! o(^0^)/

In just 2 days, I spent close to 39000円 (that's somewhat near AUD650 with the best rate that I got yesterday). Minus accommodation, transport and food, the balance of that were grudgingly used on souvenirs. So if you don't get one from me, don't fret; it's not that you're not important, it's just that things here are too darned expensive for me to really get everyone something o(=.="o)

And if it's any consolation, I didn't even get to buy things for myself yet.

Mom will probably be horrified to learn this, but that self-pity, the one that I got at the end of the day for not getting myself anything, I chugged down by buying myself 2 litres of green tea from 7 eleven.

Oh, but I love Japan already!

And They Say

2009-04-05T23:31:00.006+08:00

"What are you looking for in a guy?"

"What do you think about this guy?"

"He's not bad, he'll make a good boyfriend."

"All the guys here are nice people. You can take your pick."

Somehow, I find myself being the target of these questions/recommendations a lot recently.

While it doesn't really bother me, I can't help but wonder... do I actually look lonely? :D?

さようなら

2009-04-02T23:00:00.009+08:00

There's a goodbye for every meeting.

Being an overseas student in a foreign country, this holds especially true eh?

Yesterday, we had a farewell dinner with Kelvin and his Mom before they are to fly back to Hong Kong.

It was a great dinner. Great food, great company, great atmosphere. In fact, it was the first time I've had good Chinese food ever since coming back to Perth, so I was pretty excited... to take pictures of them *laughs*

But of course, I was pretty excited to eat too! After all, who can resist good food? =D

Being in such a setting, cheerful, pleasant and comfortable, it never occurred to me that this could very well be the last time that I would see Kelvin and his Mom... until the walk back home.

We weren't the closest of friends, brought together only by chance. But even so, to be able to get to know each other, even if only for a short period of time, should in itself hold a special meaning.

And so everytime someone leaves, I feel a little sad inside.

Will we get to see each other again?

Or is this the end?

Friendship rarely lasts forever, even more so when you are several thousand miles away from your friends.

But while I still have the now, I want to treasure spending time with my friends for as long as I can.

True Love

2009-03-27T23:48:00.012+08:00

This is just to share what a friend forwarded me today.

The girl in the picture is Katie Kirkpatrick, she is 21. Next to her, her fiance, Nick, 23. The picture was taken shortly before their wedding ceremony, held on January 11, 2005 in the US. Katie has terminal cancer and spend hours a day receiving medication. In the picture, Nick is waiting for her on one of the many sessions of quimo to end.

In spite of all the pain, organ failures, and morphine shots, Katie is going along with her wedding and took care of every detail. The dress had to be adjusted a few times due to her constant weight loss.

An unusual accessory at the party was the oxygen tube that Katie used throughout the ceremony and reception. The other couple in the picture are Nick's parents, excited to see their son marrying his high school sweetheart.

Katie, in her wheelchair with the oxygen tube, listening to a song from her husband and friends.

At the reception, Katie had to take a few rests. The pain prevented her from going on for long periods.

Katie died five days after her wedding day. Watching a woman so ill and weak getting married with a smile on her face makes us think... Happiness is reachable, no matter how long it lasts. We should stop making our lives complicated.

Life is short
Break the rules
Forgive quickly
Kiss passionately, love truly
Laugh constantly
And never stop smiling, no matter how strange life is
Life is not always the party we expect it to be
But as long as we are here, we should smile and be grateful

And so, this mail made it to my limited list of forwarded mails that are actually worth reading.

One of the most painful things in life is having to watch your most important person die. So people, cherish what you have right now alright? =)

This wasn't suppose to have happened
I knew
I knew it right from the start
And yet
How can I stop?
How do I?

Hair Talk

2009-03-26T20:42:00.007+08:00

[Warning: Boring subject ahead. Please read at your own risk =p]

I've been having troubles with my hair lately.

It curls too much, so much that I had to have it tied everytime to look neat.

But...

Tying up my hair takes up too much of my time. Because as much as I would like to admit otherwise, I'm just not skilled in that area (if you can call hair-tying a skill).

Can you believe that I actually had my elder sister teach me how, when I first tied my hair (even though I'm a failure of a student it seems)?

And even with my younger sister, I ask her questions like "Hey, how did you do that?", to which she would answer, "Aiya, just tie la!", which is not very helpful *laughs*

So whenever I see girls with their hair tied up nicely, I would often wonder to myself how they do that.

Leaving my hair as it is is not an option sometimes, because my hair sticks out in all directions when I get up from bed in the mornings. And believe me, it's not a sight that you would want to see XD

I guess that's why I prefer leaving my hair long.

But my personal preference aside, I have been getting mixed opinions from people around me. Some said I look better with curls, while others like it better when I have my hair tied. And in one extremely rare case that is Carrie, I got thrown comments like

"Why do you always tie your hair this way? You look nerdy!"

"Do you know why guys have yet to approach you this year? It's because you cut your hair!"

Seriously, it's so difficult to 'satisfy' people at times *laughs*

The pictures above, like I promised, are from Kelvin's graduation ceremony the other day =)

I want to graduate this time next year too!

可愛い？

2009-03-23T23:25:00.006+08:00

Today, a 19-year-old patted my head and said that I was cute.

And so,

I told her my age *laughs*

By the way, I've come to notice that there hasn't been any pictures of myself posted here lately.

So, here's one taken today during Kelvin's graduation ceremony, with his Mom.

Congratulations, Kelvin! =D

P/S: I'll post up some more pics in my next post. So, please check it out if you're too bored and have nothing else better to do over the next few days *winks*

Lucky. Or Not.

2009-03-20T23:50:00.003+08:00

It seems that my luck with cars (yes, you read that right - cars), is not so great this year.

Because after the previous week's almost-accident, I had another two this week XD

The first I had managed to avoid thanks to my quick reflexes (I had actually jumped backwards when I sensed movement from the corner of my eyes), and the second... well, let's just say I wasn't even aware that a car was there until it stopped abruptly just before it could hit me.

Ah no, I'm not an idiot who doesn't pay enough attention when crossing the road (the previous week's incident being an exception). In fact, I wasn't even crossing any roads; the cars had just seemingly appeared out of nowhere o(=.="o)

And like the previous incident, these two left me feeling amused more than anything else. Because I couldn't quite decide whether I should feel lucky (to escape unscathed) or unlucky (to be thrown into these situations) XD

My friend says I'm crazy to not be bothered about it. Actually, I think I am too XD

But matters of life and death are beyond our control anyway. If I am meant to die, I will die. So why get too worked up about it? For now, I'm just happy that I'm still alive.

The pictures above show what I had for dinner.

If you have been watching my eating habits closely, you'll most certainly find it strange that I even ordered dessert at all.

But,

もう ... green tea ice-cream! So nice... a must-have!

was what I thought.

So I ordered anyway *laughs*

But in the end it tasted more vanilla than green tea to me.

Could be that I'm so used to drinking green tea I'm getting immune to the taste. But it's more likely that the ice-cream is just too sweet XD

睦の間

2009-03-17T21:00:00.001+08:00

I've been a student at UWA for two long years now. And I can't believe that I only found out about this place during my third year here o(=.="o)

The Asian Studies corridor, which directly connects to the old Business School building, the one that I've frequented quite a bit for administrative matters during my first and second year in Uni.

Safely tucked in a corner was this specially built room, one that really stands out because of its rather unusual-looking entrance (unusual because it's a rare thing to get to see sliding wooden doors in a Western country).

睦の間 (Mutsumi no Ma), meaning 'Place of Harmony', is really a traditional tatami room overlooking the Japanese pond and garden in UWA.

I thought it was cool that such a place existed in University. So, I signed up for a study group just so that I could enter the room and take pictures of it *laughs*

Ah, the joy of discovering something new~

Me thinks I should explore the interiors of my Uni more =p

On an unrelated note, I had this really sudden thought popping up in my head today:

I want to keep my fringe.

And so I went to retrieve my pair of scissors, and started cutting away the excess length that's almost covering my eyes.

It was a spur-of-the-moment thing XD

But it wasn't that obvious, even though I cut a lot. Thank God for that? Or else I would have looked really ridiculous =p

Fringe isn't something that you would want to mess with *recalling the time when my elder sister cut a heart-shaped fringe out of me (though I wouldn't have remembered if my Grandparents' neighbour chose not to indulge me with this knowledge of what happened more than a decade ago)*

Oh, the horror!

Earth To Amanda

2009-03-14T18:37:00.013+08:00

I was looking at her.

Lost in thoughts, I was looking at her.

And yet I wasn't.

She just happened to be in my peripheral vision.

Perhaps I had been 'looking' too long.

"Why are you staring at me like that? You're making me nervous..." she said.

Reverie broken.

"Huh? Oh sorry, I wasn't paying atten--"

"Please don't fall in love with me."

"--tion."

If I wasn't 'looking at her' before, I certainly was after that one statement. Gawking even.

There was a moment of stunned silence before anyone said anything.

"No, you don't have to worry about that. I would never." I said finally.

Not in this lifetime, not ever. You're just not the type of person that I would be attracted to, I had wanted to continue.

But I bit my tongue. That would sound rather offensive now, wouldn't it? XD

Mmm, porridge! I love porridge! =D

Yeah, that was funny and all.

But after this incident, and one too many where I failed to notice friends and acquaintances alike even when walking past them (up until they called out to me, or waved their hands right in front of my face), some things that people had said to me in the past came to mind.

We had dim sum today!

"You know, you have a really weird way of looking at people."

"Really? How so?"

"I don't know how to explain it, but sometimes I wonder if you're even looking when you do."

Fruits, glorious fruits~

"Do you always do this?"

"Hmm? Do what?"

"Plugging in to your MP3 in bed."

"Oh. No, only when I can't sleep."

"Please don't always lose yourself in your own world. We're here. I'm here."

"....."

"Good night."

The smiling dog =)

"What are you thinking about right now?"

"Nothing in particular. Just spacing out, I guess."

"Don't give me that."

"What...?"

"You're always like this! Always keeping to yourself!"

"But I'm not..."

"I want to know what you're thinking! I want to know what you're feeling! But how am I supposed to know when you're always so distant?!"

A stopover before home.

"Right, Amanda?"

"Hmm? Oh, yeah yeah, right..."

"Hahaha, look she agrees!"

"I bet she doesn't even know what we're talking about lor."

Thinking back on these instances, I think I realise now just how frustrating and tiring it must be for those around me, to have to deal with a person who's so out of it most of the time.

So to those who had experienced first hand this peculiar trait of mine, I'm sorry.

I'll try to pay more attention to my surroundings next time.

Close Call

2009-03-11T00:03:00.003+08:00

The day was hot. And the glare from the sun was strong.

Standing at the sidewalk, I was busy fending off annoying super-killer-UV-rays and checking out the road for cars at the same time.

Coast clear.

Or so I thought, with a friend standing next to me, effectively blocking most of my view of the road to my right.

My right leg moved, about to take my first step across the road.

But for some reason, I stopped moving mid-step.

Just in time for a car to zoom past me from my right.

And I was saved from what could be a fatal accident, in that split second when my body refused to move forward.

That was when I know that I'm not meant to die yet after all XD

A Solitary Walk

2009-03-07T18:40:00.001+08:00

"Are you planning to do anything today?"

"Ah yes, I'm going out later."

A mischievous smile. "With who?"

"No one. I'm going out on my own."

Whenever I say that, people tend to think that I'm hiding things from them, that there's something suspicious about my going out on my own, that there must be a juicy, scandalous affair waiting to be discovered behind the 'not going out with anyone' statement.

It makes me wonder, just what kind of image do I project to others? Am I always seen in the company of others that it seem strange I would be going out and about alone? Or is this just a natural reaction that people would have if you were to tell them you're hanging out on your own?

I'm not sure what people think of me in that respect, but truth is, I'm quite the loner. I enjoy being alone. I guess it has to do with my inability to express myself to others more than anything else. I get frustrated over myself for being unable to open up to others, and then people get frustrated over the fact that I still seem so detached even after knowing them for a long time. And we end up with friendship on a superficial level.

There are some who are patient and persistent enough, those who eventually became my closest friends, but most people do not have that kind of patience, especially when dealing with 'slow' people like me. I guess when I put it that way, I really do appear being socially handicapped huh *laughs*

Yes, I'm aware that this is a problem that I have to overcome on my own.

But people may wonder, just what is it in going out alone that is fun?

Ah, I would say it's not so much fun as it is satisfying. Because the time spent talking when I'm out with others is spent observing my surroundings instead, I'm able to appreciate things more, and see things that I normally would not notice.

I guess that, in itself, is already a different sort of 'fun'.

I'm sorry if this post seems a bit pointless. I'm not sure what came over me that I'd have something like this written. Perhaps I have just wanted to share this with people who feel the same way. But are there any such people out there? XD

The Two Killer Factors

2009-03-04T21:55:00.002+08:00

This semester, I have suddenly developed this strange (and rather sudden) urge to learn something new.

For instance,

I have wanted to do archery.

I have wanted to join kendo.

I have wanted to attend photography workshops.

I have wanted to take dancing lessons.

I have wanted to pick up a new musical instrument (I'm thinking flute or cello).

These thoughts keep coming up that I wonder if it's even normal for a human being to want to learn so many things at the same time o(=.="o)

But alas, I'm restricted by the two killer factors.

1. Time

Being a third year university student means more work, less play. And it doesn't help that the units I'm taking this semester come with tonnes of readings and group assignments to do, both of which I absolutely hated.

But time being time, have I really wanted to do something, though difficult, I'll be able to find some extra time for it I'm sure.

And that brings me to the second (and more brutal) killer factor.

2. Money

Because my rent exceeds whatever funding that I receive from the government this year, because I'm trying to save up for a trip elsewhere, because I do not want to ask for any money from my parents, and because I'm jobless because employers refrain from hiring third year international students, I've become a very stingy person this semester.

Life sucks in that if you do not have any money, you oftentimes cannot seek the education that you so badly wanted.

As much as I want to enroll in those classes, I cannot do so without any extra money on hand o(TT.TT)o

And so the best that I can think of right now, is to put off these plans until the next semester, when I (hopefully) will have more money to spare.

In the meantime, perhaps I could make an effort to actually spend more time with people... Because I feel like I'm getting more socially inept by the day *laughs*

寒いなあ

2009-03-03T20:01:00.009+08:00

I woke up this morning with the sun shining bright in the sky, the light almost blinding me when I opened the curtain to reveal the first rays of the day.

And I thought, "Oh good, it's going to be warm today."

Donned in a simple t-shirt and jeans, I walked out and into the new day only to discover that... it was freaking cold out there.

But,

A little cold won't kill me. Bet it's going to be hot in the afternoon.

With these thoughts, I endured the cold morning. And was more than happy to welcome an indeed very hot afternoon - the perfect weather for a simple t-shirt and jeans!

But then bless the lecturer for blasting the air-con in the lecture hall to cool down his already hot-from-the-weather-outside-but-not-hot-enough-that-he-has-to-drink-beer-in-class body. Bless him.

I came home a very pale and frozen piece of meat.

Recently, a lot of people have been asking me questions like,

"Did you perm your hair?"

"Omigod you curled your hair???"

"Is your hair originally like that?"

So for those who are wondering about the same thing, here's my answer: No, I only had it cut. Yes, my hair is originally like that.

I'm surprised that a lot of people actually like my natural curls. I've always thought that it looks weird XD

The Offer

2009-02-26T20:51:00.003+08:00

The other day, just before the lecture was about to begin, Linda had suddenly turned to me with a most serious expression on her face and said,

"Amanda, I'm offering myself to you."

"...Har?" was all that I could manage in my half-surprised-half-confused state.

That had sounded just like what a heroine would do in an ancient Chinese drama to express her gratitude to the hero for saving her from some perverted old man. By offering her body and soul (which is a really stupid thing to do if you ask me).

But there was no perverted old man, no danger whatsoever lurking in the lecture hall to save the heroine from, and I am most certainly NOT a hero.

And taking into account the fact that Linda is as straight as a bamboo, I concluded that she was either very sick, or has lost her mind to say something like that. Ready to take her to the hospital anytime, I asked her one final question in an attempt to clarify her statement.

"As in, a relationship?"

Her answer was brilliant.

"No! I meant that I want to be in your group for the assignment!"

Later on that day, as we met up with Carrie and got on to the topic of her (Carrie) starting up a business with a friend, Linda had then said,

"That is so cool man! A domestic partnership!"

And I laughed.

A funny girl she is XD

It's Not So Bad

2009-02-25T23:05:00.003+08:00

I've been running on a string of bad luck recently, and nothing seems to go well.

Sometimes, life just gets in your way and throws in all sorts of funny things to make it more stressful than it already is.

If you ask me how I feel about my life in general right now, I will tell you that it sucks. Big time.

But when I really think about it, aren't there people who have had it worse? People with no food to eat, no clothes to wear, no roof to sleep under.

And then I feel like a big baby whining about small stuff.

Thinking along those lines, I realise that my life isn't so bad after all.

No, it's not so bad.

ただいま

2009-02-23T22:01:00.002+08:00

I'm back in Perth.

Though I hate to admit it, my room in Perth has become a home away from home. And it feels like I'm just continuing where I left off last year, with a life that is essentially different than that back home in Malaysia. A strange feeling really.

3 months is a really long time ね ?

Because it gives the management plenty of opportunities to get the broken fixed *laughs* Which I'm really surprised to discover by the way, because they have never done it before in the last two years without being requested to do so.

And that's the one good thing about being back.

The not so pleasant thing however, is having to unpack. Oh, and the common toilet. Just thinking about the holding-my-breath exercise that I have to endure whenever someone comes in for "urgent business" while I'm in the shower makes me want to bang my head against the wall. It can't be helped, really. But I just find myself wishing time and again for better air ventilation XD

So today I heard news that someone will move onto my floor pretty soon. And that person is notorious for being... not very particular about cleanliness.

I just hope she'll spare the toilet o(>.<)o

Not Good Enough

2009-02-21T02:37:00.005+08:00

I'm already trying my best
But my best is always not good enough for you

A Penguin's Tale

2009-02-17T21:58:00.006+08:00

When I was watching the hamsters today, I had suddenly remembered what a friend told me some time ago.

"Penguins are perhaps the most loyal creatures around. Once they find a partner, they will stick to that one partner for the rest of their lives."

And then these words came unbidden into my mind.

Be loyal. Be a penguin.

My brain conjures up the strangest thoughts sometimes =.='